TISM - Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me
Reminds me of the days when MTV did videos....
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Monday, October 04, 2004
Outdoor Expedition One - The Death March.
After many years of camping, with topo maps, guide books, park maps, you'd think I would have learned the major rule...
Guide Books Lie, and the Map is Wrong.
We had hiked three miles the day before, along a trail the park map had called "Strenuous". There were no problems, no tears, no accidents. The adults were quite happy with how well the children did.
So for the Sunday hike, we picked another three mile, round trip hike. The map called this trail "Strenuous", and promised beautiful overlooks at the top of the hill. Strenuous? We did strenuous without a problem! This will be a piece of cake.
Well, it was uphill almost all of the way. We made numerous rest stops, and R4, being the youngest and smallest, needed much encouragement to continue. He smacked his head on a tree branch when he ducked under one, and came up too fast and smacked a second branch behind the first. R3 started to worry that we had missed the overlooks. It took nearly and hour and a half to reach the top, where the views were less than spectacular.
The return trip was faster, but just as miserable for different reasons. R4, the tail dragger on the way up, zipped down the trail without a problem. He warned each person we passed on the trail exactly how high the hill was. Ace, who stoically marched up the hill, had problems negotiating the downhill. Rocks slid out from under her feet, and she constantly worried about falling forward down the trail. R3's knees made hideous popping noises, and he twisted his ankle.
After 45 minutes, we reached the parking lot. The kids were allowed to go to the playground, where Ace's exhaustion led to an accident with a swing. No blood, just tears. We immediately went to the closest fast food, where the main question was "What toy am I getting with my meal?"
Guide Books Lie, and the Map is Wrong.
We had hiked three miles the day before, along a trail the park map had called "Strenuous". There were no problems, no tears, no accidents. The adults were quite happy with how well the children did.
So for the Sunday hike, we picked another three mile, round trip hike. The map called this trail "Strenuous", and promised beautiful overlooks at the top of the hill. Strenuous? We did strenuous without a problem! This will be a piece of cake.
Well, it was uphill almost all of the way. We made numerous rest stops, and R4, being the youngest and smallest, needed much encouragement to continue. He smacked his head on a tree branch when he ducked under one, and came up too fast and smacked a second branch behind the first. R3 started to worry that we had missed the overlooks. It took nearly and hour and a half to reach the top, where the views were less than spectacular.
The return trip was faster, but just as miserable for different reasons. R4, the tail dragger on the way up, zipped down the trail without a problem. He warned each person we passed on the trail exactly how high the hill was. Ace, who stoically marched up the hill, had problems negotiating the downhill. Rocks slid out from under her feet, and she constantly worried about falling forward down the trail. R3's knees made hideous popping noises, and he twisted his ankle.
After 45 minutes, we reached the parking lot. The kids were allowed to go to the playground, where Ace's exhaustion led to an accident with a swing. No blood, just tears. We immediately went to the closest fast food, where the main question was "What toy am I getting with my meal?"
Outdoor Expedition One - Breakfast
7:30 was wake up time. Light enough to see, cold enough to want to stay in the sleeping bag.
The kids were immediately dispatched to collect more kindling and firewood. While R3 worked on restarting the fire, I began breakfast. Coffee for the grownups, and hot cocoa for the kids was step one, along with bacon and eggs. After dumping half the bacon on the table when the frying pan slid off the stove, I relinquished the eggs to R3. Cinnamon rolls in the Dutch oven were so so. We had no way to put hot coals on the lid, and I didn't turn them over before the bottoms were scorched. The biscuits came out much better.
Dad next door went to the camp store. Mom told the kids it was for coffee; I think it was for a couple shots and a beer after the four oldest kids cornered him in the tent and screamed "Wake Up Matt!!" for ten minutes.
After a brief discussion, it was decided to strike camp, head off to a different section of the park, and do another three mile hike. Hey, we did it Saturday without a problem, what could go wrong today?
Well, Car One had a weak or dying battery, requiring a jump from Car Two. Instructions were given to Car Two to meet us just past the guard gate, since we had to make a side trip to dump the trash. Yup, within 5 minutes, Car Two was lost. Again, no cell service, no Nextel service, and the batteries on the FRS radio were dead. We found Car Two a half mile past the gate and the parking lot.
The kids were immediately dispatched to collect more kindling and firewood. While R3 worked on restarting the fire, I began breakfast. Coffee for the grownups, and hot cocoa for the kids was step one, along with bacon and eggs. After dumping half the bacon on the table when the frying pan slid off the stove, I relinquished the eggs to R3. Cinnamon rolls in the Dutch oven were so so. We had no way to put hot coals on the lid, and I didn't turn them over before the bottoms were scorched. The biscuits came out much better.
Dad next door went to the camp store. Mom told the kids it was for coffee; I think it was for a couple shots and a beer after the four oldest kids cornered him in the tent and screamed "Wake Up Matt!!" for ten minutes.
After a brief discussion, it was decided to strike camp, head off to a different section of the park, and do another three mile hike. Hey, we did it Saturday without a problem, what could go wrong today?
Well, Car One had a weak or dying battery, requiring a jump from Car Two. Instructions were given to Car Two to meet us just past the guard gate, since we had to make a side trip to dump the trash. Yup, within 5 minutes, Car Two was lost. Again, no cell service, no Nextel service, and the batteries on the FRS radio were dead. We found Car Two a half mile past the gate and the parking lot.
Sleeping in the Woods
Dinner was a success. Dishes were cleaned, stuff put away, beer distributed. As a reward (and the fact it was too dark to do anything), the kids were allowed access to their Game Slaves. They retreated to the dome tent, and were amazingly quiet and behaved.
Bedtime was called at 10pm. Instructions were given to the kids to not leave the campsite without an adult. R4 was told that if he needed to pee in the middle of the night, he was allowed to go around to the back of the tent and pee towards the road.
I snore.
Besides being a loud snorer, witnesses have told me I also suffer from apnea. A vote was prepared during the night, whether to check on me and make sure I was alive during an apnea attack, or to leave me for dead so everyone else could sleep.
My friends.
I also suffer from either a small bladder, or over-active kidneys. I had to get up twice. Ace got up once, and everyone else was able to hold it.
R4 rotated 90 degrees during the night, requiring a repositioning to allow others to sleep.
Note to self: Find a new cell phone. There was zero cell service in the park. I turned my phone off early Saturday, and stuck it in my bag of personal stuff. Twice during the night the stupid phone turned itself back on, and start the alarm chiming. Next time I take the battery out.
The temperature dropped about 20 degrees somewhere between cell phone attack number one, and pee break number two. I started the night on top of my bag, and by dawn I was inside, zipped up to my neck.
There were no animals during the night, and no rain. Another bright point for the weekend.
Bedtime was called at 10pm. Instructions were given to the kids to not leave the campsite without an adult. R4 was told that if he needed to pee in the middle of the night, he was allowed to go around to the back of the tent and pee towards the road.
I snore.
Besides being a loud snorer, witnesses have told me I also suffer from apnea. A vote was prepared during the night, whether to check on me and make sure I was alive during an apnea attack, or to leave me for dead so everyone else could sleep.
My friends.
I also suffer from either a small bladder, or over-active kidneys. I had to get up twice. Ace got up once, and everyone else was able to hold it.
R4 rotated 90 degrees during the night, requiring a repositioning to allow others to sleep.
Note to self: Find a new cell phone. There was zero cell service in the park. I turned my phone off early Saturday, and stuck it in my bag of personal stuff. Twice during the night the stupid phone turned itself back on, and start the alarm chiming. Next time I take the battery out.
The temperature dropped about 20 degrees somewhere between cell phone attack number one, and pee break number two. I started the night on top of my bag, and by dawn I was inside, zipped up to my neck.
There were no animals during the night, and no rain. Another bright point for the weekend.
Our Camping Neighbors
This was my first camping trip with kids. Three adults, two kids... things stayed under control. There were always two adults watching at all times. Seemed simple...
Our neighbors in the adjacent campsite were amazing. They pulled up in an old station wagon, and five kids spilled out into the woods. There were four girls, and the oldest couldn't have been more than six. One child of indeterminate sex, about a year and one half. Child number six was an infant that mom had with her most of the time. Mom and Dad looked like they were in their mid-twenties.
These kids were everywhere. Off to the restroom in teams of three. Designated buddies. Collecting firewood in pairs. When we went to the waterfall, these kids were scrambling across the stream and rock climbing without help from Mom and Dad.
I don't know how, but they went through the weekend without injury, without fights, without boredom, without toys other than those glow in the dark necklaces.
I'm guessing they must be a combined family. Sunday morning all four girls jammed into the tent, screaming at Dad, "Wake Up Matt!!" over and over again.
Our neighbors in the adjacent campsite were amazing. They pulled up in an old station wagon, and five kids spilled out into the woods. There were four girls, and the oldest couldn't have been more than six. One child of indeterminate sex, about a year and one half. Child number six was an infant that mom had with her most of the time. Mom and Dad looked like they were in their mid-twenties.
These kids were everywhere. Off to the restroom in teams of three. Designated buddies. Collecting firewood in pairs. When we went to the waterfall, these kids were scrambling across the stream and rock climbing without help from Mom and Dad.
I don't know how, but they went through the weekend without injury, without fights, without boredom, without toys other than those glow in the dark necklaces.
I'm guessing they must be a combined family. Sunday morning all four girls jammed into the tent, screaming at Dad, "Wake Up Matt!!" over and over again.
Outdoor Expedition One - Part Two
Dinner Around the Fire.
We returned to camp. Ace suffered two stumbles, and got one foot caught between the rocks on the return stream crossing. There was much discussion of possible snake holes, and what to do when we saw a snake, and why it was important that someone other than R3 should lead the way in finding snakes. The only down point was R4 reaching his limit and getting tired and cranky close to home. If this was a strenuous trail, then this was going to be an easy park.
Fire is a wonderful thing, especially when you have small children more than willing to gather an endless supply of kindling and small tree branches for the fire. After a little coaxing with white gas, we had a comfortable campfire that lasted through the night.
Dinner was pork chops grilled on the barbecue grill we brought with us. (Note to self: R4 ate his entire dinner without coaxing. I don't know which was a bigger influence, the three mile hike, or the lack of anything to distract him at the table.) It was dark by the time we ate, but the lights and radio BWB brought made it a cozy little dinner.
After dinner came the great experiment: Pineapple upside down cake cooked in a Dutch oven. Coals from the barbecue went on top, and fire from the pit underneath. The experiment was a qualified success. Because of a tilt to the fire pit grill, one side was lower than the other. Part of the cake stuck to the pot. But it baked, and it was delicious. Too bad the kids, R3 & BWB spent the entire baking time pigging out on s'mores. The cake was still good at breakfast.
We returned to camp. Ace suffered two stumbles, and got one foot caught between the rocks on the return stream crossing. There was much discussion of possible snake holes, and what to do when we saw a snake, and why it was important that someone other than R3 should lead the way in finding snakes. The only down point was R4 reaching his limit and getting tired and cranky close to home. If this was a strenuous trail, then this was going to be an easy park.
Fire is a wonderful thing, especially when you have small children more than willing to gather an endless supply of kindling and small tree branches for the fire. After a little coaxing with white gas, we had a comfortable campfire that lasted through the night.
Dinner was pork chops grilled on the barbecue grill we brought with us. (Note to self: R4 ate his entire dinner without coaxing. I don't know which was a bigger influence, the three mile hike, or the lack of anything to distract him at the table.) It was dark by the time we ate, but the lights and radio BWB brought made it a cozy little dinner.
After dinner came the great experiment: Pineapple upside down cake cooked in a Dutch oven. Coals from the barbecue went on top, and fire from the pit underneath. The experiment was a qualified success. Because of a tilt to the fire pit grill, one side was lower than the other. Part of the cake stuck to the pot. But it baked, and it was delicious. Too bad the kids, R3 & BWB spent the entire baking time pigging out on s'mores. The cake was still good at breakfast.
Outdoor Expedition One - 10/2/04
So this was the first camping trip for R4 and the girls. As a compromise between R3 (who wanted backpacking deep into unmapped territory) and the girls (who wanted a hotel room in mid-town Manhattan), we went to a state campground with flush toilets, running hot water and showers. At least we didn't rent a cabin...
No major problems finding the park and the campground, other than the 10 mile detour around a washed out bridge. We arrived early enough to snag a decent campsite. The place must be popular, because every site was taken by mid-afternoon. Park rules were pretty liberal; fire only in the fire ring, six-person two-car limit, as many tents as you wanted as long as they were all on the camp pad. Big plus - Alcohol consumption was allowed as long as you kept it to your site. That rule alone could have been a deal breaker.
Tent One went up with minor difficulties. Neither R3 or I had seen this tent before, and the picture supplied with it had a huge section of the middle torn away. The tent poles had been numbered and labeled in alphabetical order by a dyslexic. But we got it up. Tent Two (my new dome) also went up without a hitch. Tent Three went up, but it was obvious that Three was the victim of a mildew attack. We left it up to air over the trip, and it became the designated storage tent.
Car Two was able to navigate to the park, and promptly became lost within ½ mile of the campsite. Small side trip for Car One to locate the lost, and bring them safely to camp. (Note to self: Nextel is not a reliable form of communication. FRS is not reliable. Must get one of the kids interested in amateur radio.)
After the arrival of Car Two, we had pre-packed lunches and drinks. First major decision: Put up a tarp? Rain was predicted for the day, and the discussion was what to put the tarp over. Fire pit so we can have fire? Or over the picnic table, where we were going to eat and play games? The fire pit won round one, with the warning that we would move it over the table for dinner. Maps were assembled, a backpack with water and rain gear prepared, and we set off on what the park called a "strenuous" trail to the waterfall. One and one half mile later of what a normal person would call easy hiking, we arrived at the waterfall, the central attraction for this park.
You know how your parents always tried to protect you? Looked out for your safety? Warned you about dangers to life and limb? Remember how you thought your parents were nutjobs when your friend's parents let them do these same forbidden things?
We arrived at the falls. Lots of people climbing the rocks on the falls, on the other side of the stream. And of course, no bridge, no simple way across other than to rock-hop on wet slippery rocks. So the kids are disappointed, but they're ok, they know Mom and Dad are looking out for their safety. Until a troop of eight kids, with footwear varying between none and cheap PowerPuff Girl pink plastic boots, rapidly cross the stream and start climbing. After a brief discussion, the parents surrendered, and we crossed the stream.
Of course, in mid-crossing the rain started. Not hard, not worth doing anything about, but enough to turn the surface of the rocks along the falls into greasy, slippery slopes. The kids tried, but couldn't get more than a foot off the ground before sliding back to earth. We stuck around a while longer, and returned to camp.
No major problems finding the park and the campground, other than the 10 mile detour around a washed out bridge. We arrived early enough to snag a decent campsite. The place must be popular, because every site was taken by mid-afternoon. Park rules were pretty liberal; fire only in the fire ring, six-person two-car limit, as many tents as you wanted as long as they were all on the camp pad. Big plus - Alcohol consumption was allowed as long as you kept it to your site. That rule alone could have been a deal breaker.
Tent One went up with minor difficulties. Neither R3 or I had seen this tent before, and the picture supplied with it had a huge section of the middle torn away. The tent poles had been numbered and labeled in alphabetical order by a dyslexic. But we got it up. Tent Two (my new dome) also went up without a hitch. Tent Three went up, but it was obvious that Three was the victim of a mildew attack. We left it up to air over the trip, and it became the designated storage tent.
Car Two was able to navigate to the park, and promptly became lost within ½ mile of the campsite. Small side trip for Car One to locate the lost, and bring them safely to camp. (Note to self: Nextel is not a reliable form of communication. FRS is not reliable. Must get one of the kids interested in amateur radio.)
After the arrival of Car Two, we had pre-packed lunches and drinks. First major decision: Put up a tarp? Rain was predicted for the day, and the discussion was what to put the tarp over. Fire pit so we can have fire? Or over the picnic table, where we were going to eat and play games? The fire pit won round one, with the warning that we would move it over the table for dinner. Maps were assembled, a backpack with water and rain gear prepared, and we set off on what the park called a "strenuous" trail to the waterfall. One and one half mile later of what a normal person would call easy hiking, we arrived at the waterfall, the central attraction for this park.
You know how your parents always tried to protect you? Looked out for your safety? Warned you about dangers to life and limb? Remember how you thought your parents were nutjobs when your friend's parents let them do these same forbidden things?
We arrived at the falls. Lots of people climbing the rocks on the falls, on the other side of the stream. And of course, no bridge, no simple way across other than to rock-hop on wet slippery rocks. So the kids are disappointed, but they're ok, they know Mom and Dad are looking out for their safety. Until a troop of eight kids, with footwear varying between none and cheap PowerPuff Girl pink plastic boots, rapidly cross the stream and start climbing. After a brief discussion, the parents surrendered, and we crossed the stream.
Of course, in mid-crossing the rain started. Not hard, not worth doing anything about, but enough to turn the surface of the rocks along the falls into greasy, slippery slopes. The kids tried, but couldn't get more than a foot off the ground before sliding back to earth. We stuck around a while longer, and returned to camp.
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